Sunday, March 28, 2010
i thought i was good at hiding.
but at the end of the day, i can't even hide something so simple.
everything is falling on me again.
but i don't want things to fall apart..
things that i built it up for so long.
something that i actually tried with my utmost effort to build it
at the moment when i'm about to collapse, i'm the most truth self.
and after i collapse, im nothing but someone transparent.
someone that has no effect on anyone's life.
wow.. i'm so transparent.
feeling empty inside. can't really cry because its no longer a feeling of sadness.
its just a feeling that has been there for very long.. numb..
what we could have been, 9:49 PM.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
tuesday, eco essay due- haven't started writing.
1000 words. sighs.
went to watch 72 tenants of prosperity today.
in the canto version- like finally.
it's so damn bloody funny.
and it made me really hate kevin cheng now.
he's so damn bloody gross. eww.
and love bosco more.
but still have the same feelings for raymond although he looked so fail in the movie.
and wong cho lam is just.. so cute lor.
my download speed is so damn bloody slow.
eeeee means i'm running out of dramas to watch =.=
stress stress stress.
help!!~
haha someone made me happy today.
and i'll remember that.
what we could have been, 9:14 PM.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
tonight is thursday..
friday is coming again tomorrow... sighs.
went into m.a.c today..
the m.a.c here actually has more stuff than the m.a.c in singapore.
they really have some stuff that u don't know what is it.. it looks like paints to me.
those that u actually use for art.
i think m.a.c has everything. and for its price and quality.. its good eh?
but i like other brands more than m.a.c, i will only buy their lipgloss, primer, pigment and lip conditioner.
because their lip conditioner have some paling effect! good for redlips me.hahaha. because i never drink enough water in my life.
i'm addicted to eating dried cranberries.
omg i suddenly like gigi leung again.
i think she's hot hot.
i want to watch her latest movie, but cannot find it online.
cannot find her song also. only can youtube.
sighs.. poor thing.
don't really like christians, its offending, but yeah.
i think i got bad eating habits. i can don't eat for the whole day.. but eat a lot in the middle of the night.
what we could have been, 4:40 PM.
Friday, March 19, 2010
gratz, life has gone back to 2005.
told myself a million times, i gotta be strong.
because this will be over very soon, its just temporary.
concentrate on my studies and it will be all good.
but i can't even get myself to study at home.
even though i'm bored to the extent of cutting myself into pieces.
will some kind soul just text me and say " i'm here for you"?
i think that will only happen in my dream.
yes, i must be strong, i cannot let heaven play with my life.
i'm going to control my own life.
cannot cry. cannot cannot cry. because cry also no use. no one knows and no one cares.
waste of my tears only. one drop = one carat diamond.
so cannot cannot.
gotta keep holding on. hang in there. it will be ok soon.
must be always smiling- good training for my future career.
smile, even though life sucks to core.
smile, even when no one gives a shit.
just continue smiling :)
what we could have been, 5:38 PM.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
need to wake up early tomorrow!
i overused my bandwidth, now the internet is so freaking slow.
can't download anymore dramas until further notice..
which means SIGHS, because no drama, no life.
hahaha and that means i can only put my energy on studying.
but i don't want to study!! but cannot right, must study hard.. like all the people around me says.
i still very lazy to install msn on my new laptop.
thats why i haven't been using it much.
somemore i don't know what is the password of my wifi at home.
i tried all sorts of password and it doesn't work T_T
so if i can't find the password, i can never bring my laptop out to the living room to watch tv while msn. sighs, so lame.
everyday wake up go uni come home eat watch tv then sleep.
walaus, what kinda shit life is this man.
i'm not otaku! but being forced to be an otaku. poor thing.
ok, poor little otaku needs to go sleep now before she wakes up late and misses tutorial.
cannot cannot must wake up early tomorrow and listen to heartbeat in the car =D
" listen to my heartbeat, its beating for you" ahahaha
what we could have been, 6:24 PM.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
was packing up my papers from 2008 and 2009.
found some happy memories written on papers.
smiled, laughed, and went stoning emo again..
sighs.
i forgot to send chris' letter, tomorrow sending.
i hope she received my first letter already.
tomorrow got no school, but i think i need to work on my assignment.
got so many assignment, still sitting in front of the computer and youtubing.
really can slap myself in the face.
ooh so happy, bought a bag and a belt from topshop!!
so weird, i didn't buy anything from topshop, but surprisingly, i bought things from topshop online.
omg ted baker ships to nz too! but i'm seriously totally broke now, i shall buy it, in the next few months, i hope.
sighs.bored.
what we could have been, 8:08 PM.
Monday, March 15, 2010
listening to 2NE1- i don't care.
this just reminds me of buta. because she intro to me this song.
and i can imagine her singing this song and dancing alone at the shop.
happiest thing today, got a free parking ticket!
when i was entering the carpark, this girl wave to me say that she is leaving now..
but she paid for the whole day, so she give it to me.
so nice =] thanks much god.
went to gaga's concert last night
ooooh i should upload some of gaga's photos.
GAGA SO SEXY!!! i love her oh so sexy voice when she speaks.
i think when she talks, it sounds sexier than when she sings.
hmm assignments are due next monday?! omg i haven't even started.
fk fk fk fk fk fk fk fk i'm SCREWED i think.hahahaha
gonna send chris my 2nd letter tomorrow! watch out for it haha
what we could have been, 8:02 PM.
Friday, March 12, 2010
yay! 1 parcel arrived!
my lovely yellow dustbin can finally be used.
i need more opi nail polish.
omg. help. i can't live without it.
because other nail polish really sucks sia.
got bubble, and doesn't last and dry slow.
i officially hate weekends from now on.
its such a pain, torture, everything negative.
yes, i decided to be an air stewardess after i graduate.
yay SIA baby.
what we could have been, 9:14 PM.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
6 more days 6 more days
to
LADY GAGA CONCERT!!!!!!
oh my god, im so so so so so looking forward to that BAD ROMANCE and that POKER FACE of hers.
hahahaha those that envy me, raise their hands!!!!
the tickets are cheap leh, $87 only. haha she probably won't want to come nz anymore.
disappointed with the sheepland's people.
i should hardcore spam her songs like 1day before to know the lyrics.
wanted to watch alice in the wonderland today with heiman.
but it was full, all thanks to those maori kids who have no childhood.
im so sorry,but in nz, there is no toy'r us and no real barbie dolls.
children here are very deprived, i think their parents use their backyard wood to cut them some toys, poor thing. T_T
i'm lucky that i had soooo many barbie dolls, so many polly pocket, so many cooking toys! oh man i actually miss my hello kitty cashier, i think its still somewhere in a box.. its so fun to play with. and yeah, i know i've been obssessed with hello kitty ever since. i almost made my whole room hello kitty (some real some fake one ) when i was a kid.
i think i really had a very nice childhood, including making my soft toy the patient and i'm the doctor. wow, i sound so lonely. haha but i had fun with myself.
want to return to my childhood..
wonder how's christina doing..she haven't been online for ages. and i can't wait to read her letter.
what we could have been, 8:51 PM.
Friday, March 05, 2010
congrats myself today for going to uni.
went to stats, sat on the floor again.
but at least i learnt something new.
and then went french, got totally lost.
so decided that i should drop it. and return back to my stupid japanese.
was really tired, went for an afternoon nap.
i think the nap caused my emoness.
i dreamt of some.. people.. doing some unrealistic things again..
and when i woke up, i realise that it was a dream again.
must stop thinking too much about everything. if not i'll turn out to be another heiman.
and that would be really bad bad.
but sometimes i wonder if the things that i think in my brain is right or wrong.
like i really want to know the answer, but i know that i'll never get the answer.
and it just struggles with me.
been watching autumn concerto, the music goes well with the scenes.
thats why i guess its called concerto?
but it gets quite boring at some times. like really draggy. and they talk really slow.
so it doesn't catch my full attention.
right now, im watching saw6 and blogging because no one is msning me.
do feel lonely, really missed the weekends last year.
what we could have been, 8:10 PM.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
ahaha!
i didn't go uni today again. i think i really need to self-study all the notes in my european studies. its so long and the words are so small, makes me feel like falling asleep. i already did like 1 page of my own notes, not bad not bad.
then my stupid ass friend heiman nagged at me for not going to school, and we kinda like argued over msn. but its good now. she said that she'll not care about my studies now. which im glad that she said that. because she really would add stress to me if she keeps on saying that i'll fail and shit. and i get pissed so easily, and it won't be good if im always so pissed la.
who is gonna see my prettiness if i have an angry face all the time?
i don't like uni because uni got no hot girls and no hot guys. its just so depriving.
i look here look there, opening my eyes so big, also can't find someone that looks reasonably good.
EEEEEE so gay. just makes me want to go back to cineleisure. where all my eye candies are.
i really miss sitting at cineleisure, looking at hotties everyday!! i don't mind those num gays too, they got good looks but just speak beng singlish which is gross.
yesterday, i wrote a letter to christina, wonder if she reads my blog or not.
i'll post the letter asap. maybe on saturday.
i want to fill up the box fast.haha
what we could have been, 6:11 PM.
Monday, March 01, 2010
i just read buta's blog,
yeah, everyone that know me say that im very blur T_T
it was really unexpected that i can actually be friends with you so fast.
never thought that i can make new friends in singapore.
but i guess its because we have the same liking for everything so we can click well ba.
hahaha ya the tori signboard is for you to watch out for tori. she'll be back in 10months, i hope.
i started missing working at dresscode, saying ' hi welcome!' and listening to the bigbang and 2pm songs @ work.
i downloaded all the songs, but doesn't feel the same as at dresscode.
yups, i'll take care, u must take care too =]
today is my first day of school
i actually woke up at 1.30 instead of 11.
then i didn't go for my french class, don't have book also, dunno what to do there.
neither did i went to my econ lecture. i feel like, so unnecessary to go uni.
then i went to city just to pay my school fees, buy my coursebooks.
and picked up my 4 friends, im honest, all those that i sent them home, are all the friends that i have.
tomorrow, i need to find a cheap parking area that my dad told me. really hope that i can find it.
walking around uni feels so weird. i don't feel like i belong to the school. and i don't feel comfortable,cos im all alone for the moment. so far none of my friends have same break time as me nor they have same time to start school/end school. so very hard to meet up with them.
3 of them are very noisy, and 1 is very quiet.
heiman is seriously forever talking, she never shuts her mouth. but all that she says is about someone, so we don't really interact about other things.. and i don't tell her about my stuff too.
i realise that my perspective and her perspective towards somethings are best not to be told, because i think its gonna cause serious arguments.
shelly is just a busy person with life in auckland. i don't know how can she keep herself so busy, wanna learn that from her. because i do nothing other than going to school, come home eat, watch dramas, listen to songs. sounds so hermit.hahaha but we both love watching dramas and love g.em.
anna is just another very noisy person. she keeps on gossiping, bitching. ya, my bitching friend.
hahaha but she's really nice though, as in she's a true friend to me.
sylvia is the one that is as quiet as me, we can have quiet conversations.. nothing much to talk about but i think she's really very friendly towards me. and she's nice la. but very hard to get close to her, because she keeps everything inside.
its nice seeing them again, but the feeling they give me, and the feeling my singapore friends give me, is very very different. i need to take time to adapt. but i seriously think that singapore friends are better. miss shopping with dork, miss eating ice cream with paddy, miss smsing chris, miss eating with joanne, miss working with buta..
what we could have been, 8:48 PM.
